Hello Combi,
I know that at any point in life, you would still want to purchase your ideal, still want to fight for the unfairness that you can't comprehend (or you understand but can't accept it), still be after something not yet belongs to you. Yet, you miss a lot of things:
- A steel-strong discipline
- A healthy companion (which I guess you had already, but you are still not seeing that)
- A concrete support base
- Something that really burns your heart to take action
I am your fire. I will always be in your heart, reminding you about what you could have become. A scientist, an engineer, a businessman, a happy man with happy family. And not just one of them, but all of them. But you see, they are far, very far in the future. I know you can settle your life already, live an easy life. But more than anyone, you know by yourself that, this fire, though only a mildly burning fire, will never go away. It will either burn your heart, and you be numb with that, or push you toward the future you and I deserve.
I am your fire. Sometimes you forget about me, and you let every of your bad habits slide through your life, and you regret the moment after that. Admittedly, I don't know how to make thing right for you either (for now). My presence is not always strong, and you would need a lot of mindwork to have direct contact with me. Though, you always sense me because of your intuition.
I am your fire. I am really sorry that I am not burning strong enough. I am sorry that you still need to rely on your childest self more than me. I am sorry for your weak mind, weak body. I am sorry for not being able to sync your potential and kind heart with the right course of actions. I am sorry for not giving you the identity you deserve.
But still, I am a separate existence. I am not your identity you know? And we are not in sync with each other. So please, I'm begging you.
Let me take more control of our mind.\ Let us communicate more on our plan.\ Let us become one single identity.\ Let us make this pain in the ass going away.
I want to love you. I want to love other people. I want to love the world. Even though you see enough ugly thing about you, about people, about the world, I still want us to love them. Please, I know your heart cannot bear the hate for anything. And that is why you try to avoid things when they are not happening the way you want.
Please, be strong Combi.
P/S: By the way, in short-term, there are few things you need to look through: